Post #1: Why Read This Blog?

Hi there, my name is Robert, and welcome to my blog. I suppose I had better explain why on earth you should read anything written by me whatsoever. The simple answer, I have no clue. All I know is that I have been interested in creative writing ever since I was assigned it as a piece of torture/homework.

Personally, I have a bit of a bizarre origin story. I come from a nice family who are all alive and well, so there are no Batman shenanigans going on here, but I have had quite an interesting life so far. I was born in Oxford even though my family was living in Madrid. My mother was English but my father still managed to sneak me a US passport since he also happens to be afflicted with one. I have to say, the ability to have more than one nationality has been fun at times, but it does get confusing when the dreaded question gets asked, “So, where are you from?” The answer… very long, almost annoyingly long in fact.

So, I’ll tell it to you. And I’ll even organize it well. Your welcome.

Early Travels

After being born my parents very quickly decided to fill up my passport with stamps from non-exotic lands. We moved from Madrid, which I remember none of, back to London, which I also remember none of. This makes this portion of the story a rather short one. Don’t get used to it.

We then proceeded to move to the United States, this is where my first inklings of consciousness began to form, and also where I got tagged with an unlosable American accent. Apparently, the by-product of peer pressure and bullying, which my mind has quite correctly and efficiently suppressed. However, America was not all bad, as it is where I learned to just about completely lose myself in a good story. My parents, quite rightfully, made the decision to read to me from quite a young age. And as soon as I was able to turn the pages myself, I was off, reading every good story that I could possibly lay my hands on. Ultimately, my favorite ended up being the ‘Harry Potter’ series by J.K. Rowling, quite basic for my generation, I am aware.

This ability to read aided me whilst my family continued to move up and down the east coast of the capitalist capital of the world, when eventually, everything changed.

European Fantasy Land

When I was about to turn twelve, in the year 2006, my family decided to once again hop the pond that is the Atlantic. And I have to say, I couldn’t have been more excited, after all, I was moving to the land that basically invented the quintessential fantasy castle.

The plane ended up landing itself in the city if Vienna, my most favorite place on planet Earth. And it was here that I was exposed to the most interesting story of all time, actual politics. Yes, I know, this sounds crazy, some might even say stupidly boring. But to them I say, you are incorrect. Especially since as a half American and half English kid I apparently live in a world where both Brexit and Trump get to happen simultaneously.

I had the absolute privilege to attend the Vienna International School while living there, which also happened to be the school for United Nations children. Which would make more sense If I had told you about the UN headquarters in Vienna before saying that, but I did warn you that this would be a stream of consciousness so deal with it. It is here that I got to meet people from every corner of the world while also meeting the person who would become my best friend for life/ basically brother, Jakob, the only person who seems to travel as much as I do.

While in Europe I experienced some of the most fantastical things that I will probably ever experience. Mountain huts where they rotisserie whole chickens by the dozen while selling hot chocolate, palatial gardens with more confusing layouts than this blog post, and castles, and I mean lots of castles. But all good things come to an end and so did my stay in Vienna.

Cairo / Boarding School Era

My parents had decided that it was time to go from the Alpine wonderland that is Austria and basically move to the desert. Cairo was an interesting experience while also being the most difficult period of my life to explain. I drove by the pyramids of Giza every day on my three-hour commute to and from school, and yes this managed to make them incredibly boring for me now. And even more disappointing was the sphinx, since it is literally situated in a very large hole in the ground which rather takes away from any imposing or wondrous aura it may have had otherwise, it also happens to be far smaller than I expected. It was here that I was exposed to the most extreme poverty I have ever seen in my life, but we’ll keep it light for this initial blog post and move rapidly on wards through this life story of mine.

And once again, the ever interesting politics of the world struck my life, but this time in the form of a revolution. And so off to boarding school I was whisked at the tender age of sixteen.

Boarding school proved to be the most English experience I have ever had since I basically attended Hogwarts. It met all the criteria; it had a central courtyard, it was on a hill, it had a bell that chimed every hour, and it even had the towers. Unfortunately, I must inform the reader of this that there were no wands or flying brooms, but that did not take away from the fantastical aura of the place. However, I have to say, I will never miss the obligatory chapel sessions every week.

This was the first place I ever started thinking of fantasy novels and those who write them. I am ashamed to admit it, but until this point I didn’t really care about authors or why they wrote what they wrote. Like most people I read the story and then just daydreamed about it obsessively until I found the next story to immerse myself in, or, as an afterthought, this could just be a me thing. Prayer sessions were the place I most often fantasized about Gimli son of Gloin hitting an Uruk-hai in the nuts with a battleaxe. I began to wonder how in the world did any of these worlds come from the mind of a single person, they had to be super-human, or just smarter than me.

Anyways, I ended up graduating with acceptable grades and went on to suddenly be called an adult, when it came to laws and alcohol, but still called a kid whenever I did anything somewhat stupid, which was frequent.

University

Now, I am not going to bore you with the details of all of my incredibly badly though out escapades at University, as the details get somewhat blurry for rather obvious reasons. But it is here that I seemingly Unleashed my inner nerd upon the world. I found friends who managed to be interested in the same things I was and also introduce me to whole new worlds that I had never experienced before. There are two people in particular who stick out as my partners in crime during this period, my Vietnamese roommate Sony and the enigma that is Billy.

Billy introduced me to Warhammer as well as giving me a partner with which to play Magic: The Gathering. While Sony was always willing to go out and provide me with some of the most ridiculous stories on the planet, not that Billy falls far behind in that regard, if at all.

When it comes to even thinking of writing a novel, these two were most probably the first ones who told me that I should pursue it, unfortunately, I kinda ignored them. The farthest I got was writing down a few notes and realizing someone had already written that exact book that I was thinking of writing myself. So, I quit. This resulted in me going through university studying politics and international relations with absolutely no idea of what I wanted to do with my life. So as one could imagine, I graduated and proceeded to coast into a year that I can only describe as soul crushing.

USA… Again – Present Day

After graduation it was time to return to the east coast once again, but this time a bit further south to the city of Charlotte, North Carolina. Never heard of it? Neither had I until I got there. It is here that I somehow got myself into the sales industry. And when I mean sales, I mean the guy who stands in Sam’s Club or Costco trying to sell you an overpriced pillow, because apparently that’s all a degree will get you nowadays. The upside was that I got to yell at burly men to, “Give it a squeeze!” The downside was that some of those men had guns, which contributed greatly to my urgency to leave after only one year.

One thing managed to keep my imagination alive during the monotony that is the life of a salesperson, and that is fantasizing about the stories I had read. After I had finished fantasizing about being a character in the stories that had already been written, I started to make up my own stories. After a while I learned that it was the only thing I actually enjoyed doing. So, I began to write my ideas down, mostly in list format. But even with this creative outlet, I knew that I could no longer be a salesperson. But I also refused to be the stereotypical starving artist.

So, after a while, I decided to go and apply to law school back in the UK. I had always been interested in the law but afraid to pursue it due to the horror stories, which all turned out to be true. It is here that I learned to write in the dreaded, ‘plain English’, that lawyers use speak and write in. No flourishes and absolutely no frills… it was incredibly boring. Rather than finding something I truly loved I just found myself escaping more and more into my own imaginary world than ever before. That did not mean I didn’t enjoy studying law. It was interesting and challenged me in ways I hope to never be challenged in again. In the end I emerged victorious, with the grades necessary to earn another few bits of paper that stated how educated I was, but only warranted a voucher for a frame rather than the actual frame itself. However, I have to say that I will always be proud that I passed law school, as most do not.

And now I find myself in the same position as after my first degree. Unemployed and applying to jobs that do not really interest me. So instead I started this blog… smart, right? I actuality I’ve decided that the corporate world is not for me and began applying to the civil service because politics is by far the best ongoing story line of all time. I’ve also decided to take this writing thing somewhat seriously, and this blog is meant to be me manifesting that into reality in some way… hopefully.

Conclusion

So long story short, there is absolutely no reason you should read this blog. I have no experience and no idea what I’m talking about in any way, shape, or form. Truth be told it is just nice to be able to write without a word limit or the ghostly voice of every professor ever telling not to waffle. By the way, why is it called waffle if you write off topic? I reckon that may warrant a Google from me.

Back on topic, this blog is going to be me learning how to actually write a book. There will be mistakes, so keep in mind this not a tutorial or a walk-through on how to do things the right way, as this will most certainly not be the right way. So, most posts will be my stream of conscious in digital form. So, get ready for some waffle.

Finally, I’m writing this in the hope someone will enjoy it, because stories don’t get told if no one writes anything down, and that would suck.

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